Another hurdle

With the trial now over, I can relax and resume normalcy in my life. Saturday, Susie, Hannah, Dad, and I made a quick trip to Dallas to visit my Grandmother. Despite the horrendous rains, we enjoyed wonderful meals at PF Changs and Breadwinners, and Hannah did fabulous on both plane rides and in the hotel. What a blessing she is! It was nice to get our minds of the week and what was to come on Monday.

I can say now after being in an actual court room that it is not like TV. I can also see that I although I attended public school and feel fairly well rounded, I was exposed to a different world and a different way of life that I could have never imagined. Monday the defense rested their case in the sentencing phase, closing arguments were heard, the jury deliberated, gave a sentence, we gave victim impact statements to Mrs. Rosales, and it was over. The trial was over, this hurdle was over. Don't get me wrong, this was a big hurdle but I feel the need to clarify that it was only a hurdle. There is no "moving on" in this aspect, there is no "closure". We were not looking for closure or the opportunity to "move on". We weren't looking for vengeance or justice. We are pleased with the outcome of this trial, but for a family that is not hateful or angry, we are pleased to see that Mrs. Rosales was punished for a crime that she committed. 6 years is a long time for this 18 year old. 6 years or a million years will not bring my mom back and will not heal our hearts. This trial that loomed over our heads for 10 months was difficult, but not in comparison to what we have been through and will continue to go through learning to live our lives without our wife and mom. I was told in an email, with the best of intentions, that we could now move on, that is not entirely true. Yes, our lives will go on, but unless you have gone through this, then it is impossible for you to understand what we as a family will continue to face for a lifetime. My dad says it best, he was "sentenced for life." There will be many many happy occasions that will celebrate, especially in the near future. There is no moving on when baby boy comes and my mom is not here to meet him. There is no moving on when Susie gets married and Mom is not there to dance with dad and give her away. There is no moving on when our family celebrates holidays without our core, and there is no moving on as we go on day by day with out our friend, mom, and wife. Yes, our lives go on without her, but there is no "moving on" from this.
Our lives were forever changed on June 23rd last year and while we are picking up the pieces, the pain continues to grow the longer we are without her. Whoever said time would heal is not entirely truthful. Yes, time heals some things. Time has taught us how to live with her, time has taught us where our socks are or who to call when you need help making one of her dishes. Time however has not healed us, time only gives us more opportunities for us to miss her or need her, and the more time that passes and the more time without her, the more you long for her.
Where will we be in 6 years? I don't know... I will have a 6 and 7 year old who will not know the beauty and kindness of my mom. I will have a dad, sister, aunts, uncles, and friends who have a piece of them missing. We will celebrate another birthday, another Christmas, another holiday, with sadness, knowing my mom should have been here. In the next 3 months, the next 6 years, and beyond, there will be many more hurdles.

Our family has been overwhelmed by the kindness and support that so many of you have offered and continue to offer. We are glad this over... But remember, its only a hurdle in a lifelong race.