Nightmare!

(The helmet Daddy bought me for his new bike! It's too big... So Mommy is making Daddy buy me another one before I can ride the bike!)

Thursday was a Mother's worst nightmare... I was out at Midland College watching my Dad be interviewed in front of an exhibit he had set up featuring the cars involved in my Mom's accident when I got a call from our babysitter. Our babysitter was crying and said something happened to Hannah. I didn't hear Hannah crying and told her to call 911. I hung up and ran to my car and got home in time to meet the EMS. When I ran in Betty had Hannah in her arms, Hannah was completely listless, white, moaning, and her eyes were rolled back in her head. Betty said that she had woken up from her nap and felt warm. She gave her some Tylenol and put her in her highchair for a snack. Hannah started shaking, her eyes rolled back in her head, and she fell over. Her teeth and body all clenched up. I took her temperature at home with the EMS there and it was 102.7, which I don't consider a really high fever. Stuart arrived home right then too and I immediately called our pediatrician. I had the girls pull him out of the room to ask him what I should do. All my training and skills go out the window when its my baby! And, I wasn't sure what had happened at this time either. He had us go to the main campus ER. Hannah and I rode in the (hot) ambulance to the hospital. When we got there a friend of mine who is a Nurse Practitioner student and just had her third baby was our nurse. She was wonderful and took good care of us. Hannah got some Motrin, had labs drawn, got an IV, and we headed down for a CT scan. Dr. N met us down there in CT and said everything looked fine. After reviewing our labs and urine sample, and taking a look at her, he determined that she had a viral infection and had had a simple febrile seizure. We were sent home to observe closely and give Tylenol and Motrin every 3 hours. Today, Sunday, Hannah seems to be doing much better. Friday, she acted fine but was also medicated every 3 hours. Saturday I didn't medicate every 3 hours and she did run a fever up to 102. I medicated before it could get any higher. Today, so far, we haven't seen a fever but I haven't checked it either. She has been down for a nap for a little over an hour and I will check it when she wakes up. What does this mean for us? Well, it means that if Hannah ever spikes a fever, we have to treat it very aggressively. We have to make sure that she cooled off quickly and gets medicine. No more 104-105 fevers like she has run in the past. The seizure is scary but not nearly as scary as that phone call from my babysitter and that drive home not knowing my baby was okay.

My newest Ouchie!

Memorial Day Party

A rare family photo! And probably the last you will see as a family of 3.

Eating with Daddy

Playing in the ice with Hannah K.

Playing bubbles with Emma

Both girls have little curls in teh back!

Hannah and Emma

Sunday night we went to our friends' Marianne and Danny's for a really fun Memorial Day cook-out! Marianne really out-did herself, there was so much food and it was so much fun! Marianne lives in the house that my good friend Katy grew up in and its funny to be there. Our good friends Rusty, Michelle, and their 2 kids came in town from Houston and it was so great to catch up with them and also hang out with Heidi, Will, and their precious kiddos! Rusty and Michelle have Emma who was born the same day as Hannah, and Heidi and Will have a Hannah who is about 6 months older than our Hannah. The girls were really fun to watch! I don't think I ever got a picture of the 3 of them though. We stayed out until nearly midnight catching up with our friends and it was well worth it!

I've got some big shoes to fill...

Head, Shoulders, Knees, and Toes...

This silly monkey knows nearly all of her body parts! She can tell you where her head, hair, ears, eyes, nose, cheeks, mouth, teeth, tounge, arms, hands, fingers, belly, belly button, bottom, legs, feet, and toes are!

We also have a total of 9 teeth! You can only see the 5 front ones, the other four are those little molars!

Pampered Mommy

Busy Saturday

Hannah wore this precious new smocked dress with a matching Cupcake bow and shoes! I tried to get a picture of her but she was too busy!

Saturday was a very busy day! We haven't seemed to have been that busy for a while! Friday night, Stuart played poker with some guys and men. He even won! Hannah and I stayed home and we caught up on some TV season finales from the week before. Saturday morning, Hannah and I woke up early to go to our friend Wyatt's 3rd Birthday Party! At 9:30, right as we pulled up the party, it started to pour rain! Our first rain in forever! The rain didn't stop Hannah from having a great time playing with Wyatt and June's toys, eating doughnut holes, stealing balloons from kids, and playing with her friends.

Straight from party number 1, we picked up Daddy and headed out to the Scharbauer's for Mabry's 1st Birthday Party. Hannah also enjoyed seeing lots of her friends, eating all kinds of yummy food, and playing on Mabry's slide. Every time there is a party it amazes me at how many children are all around the same age as Hannah! It is a lot of fun!

We got home from the ranch about 2:00 and Hannah was ready to nap! She went down and I changed clothes and headed downtown to my friend Michelle's baby's Baptism. I watched Maddox be Baptized and then headed over to Michelle's for yummy BBQ and cake! It was nearly 5:30 by the time I got home and I was exhausted!

We had a really fun Saturday and thank you for all of our invitations to celebrate these special events with your families!

Splash Day, Fun Day, End of Mother's Day Out

With Mother's Day Out rapidly approaching an end I am so sad that Hannah will no longer go to school every Tuesday and Thursday. I have loved this program and loved her teachers. It is so comforting to know that when Hannah walks through those doors she is loved by Ms. Donna and Ms. Kristine. She has really grown from this experience and Mommy has really appreciated her days off! Hannah will go back in the Fall but little brother cannot start for another year, so, Mommy will no longer have days off...

Tuesday was Splash Day! I was a little apprehensive about letting Hannah stay. She loves baths but I didn't think she would like playing in sprinklers. I ended up not being able to pick her up or check on her early and had to leave her there until 2. When I picked her up she was soaking wet and her teachers said that she LOVED it! She also has a red Popsicle stain on her brand new monogrammed swimsuit that will come out! Apparently, she loved the Popsicle!

Thursday was Fun Day! Mommy's were encouraged to attend so they could ride the train with their kids. We first rode the train, then bounced in the bouncers (not one of Hannah's favorite things), got "tatoos" which Hannah also did not like and then played in the sand and on the slide. She did fine while Jenny held the sponge to her arm to apply the butterfly tatoo but once she noticed it was there, it bothered her all day!

It was been amazing watching the transformation of these children over the year. In August, I literally dropped my baby off at school with a bottle, baby food, a schedule, and 9-12 month change of clothes. Today I am dropping my toddler off with a cup of milk, juice, a lunchable, and a 18-24month change of clothes. I no longer carry my baby into the classroom but rather hold the door as she walks herself in. In music class, she participates, sits in her spot, and knows what instruments come next. Her favorite part is putting the instruments up. Her art work has improved and is more her own and she interacts with the other 6 kids better. We cannot wait to start again in the Fall.

My first swim in 2009

Caught in the act!

This silly girl! Must have gotten her love for chocolate from her Grandmommy! I was cleaning up and came into the office where I have been hiding the M&M's (we get them for sitting on the potty) and she was literally cramming them in her face!!!

Happy Mother's Day Mom

Thursday

Mother's Day Tea

I am very sad with the anticipation of Mother's Day coming up this weekend. It is my first time without a mom. While thinking about that, I almost forgot that I am a mom! And boy, do I love being a mommy!!!

Hannah's class at school hosted a Mother's Day Tea for us on Tuesday. It was wonderful! We started off getting to attend music class and watched as our babies who we had started leaving there in August were now toddlers participating in the class. I was so impressed by their participation and anticipation for what was coming next. Hannah, my clean up freak, loved putting the instruments back in the buckets! After music, we went across the hall where they had a table set up us. A handmade placemat, flowers in a teacup, a candle with a handmade candle holder all adorned the table. We shared a plate full of many quiches, muffins, and fruit. Hannah ate it all and didn't share well with Mommy. We given the placemat that had many handprints and a poem on it from Hannah, a totebag with her feet prints saying "I'll follow you anywhere", a candle holder with her thumbprints made into bees. A sunflower with her picture in the middle of it, and a teacup and saucer filled with flowers she had planted.

What a blessing and gift it is to be Hannah's Mommy!

Another hurdle

With the trial now over, I can relax and resume normalcy in my life. Saturday, Susie, Hannah, Dad, and I made a quick trip to Dallas to visit my Grandmother. Despite the horrendous rains, we enjoyed wonderful meals at PF Changs and Breadwinners, and Hannah did fabulous on both plane rides and in the hotel. What a blessing she is! It was nice to get our minds of the week and what was to come on Monday.

I can say now after being in an actual court room that it is not like TV. I can also see that I although I attended public school and feel fairly well rounded, I was exposed to a different world and a different way of life that I could have never imagined. Monday the defense rested their case in the sentencing phase, closing arguments were heard, the jury deliberated, gave a sentence, we gave victim impact statements to Mrs. Rosales, and it was over. The trial was over, this hurdle was over. Don't get me wrong, this was a big hurdle but I feel the need to clarify that it was only a hurdle. There is no "moving on" in this aspect, there is no "closure". We were not looking for closure or the opportunity to "move on". We weren't looking for vengeance or justice. We are pleased with the outcome of this trial, but for a family that is not hateful or angry, we are pleased to see that Mrs. Rosales was punished for a crime that she committed. 6 years is a long time for this 18 year old. 6 years or a million years will not bring my mom back and will not heal our hearts. This trial that loomed over our heads for 10 months was difficult, but not in comparison to what we have been through and will continue to go through learning to live our lives without our wife and mom. I was told in an email, with the best of intentions, that we could now move on, that is not entirely true. Yes, our lives will go on, but unless you have gone through this, then it is impossible for you to understand what we as a family will continue to face for a lifetime. My dad says it best, he was "sentenced for life." There will be many many happy occasions that will celebrate, especially in the near future. There is no moving on when baby boy comes and my mom is not here to meet him. There is no moving on when Susie gets married and Mom is not there to dance with dad and give her away. There is no moving on when our family celebrates holidays without our core, and there is no moving on as we go on day by day with out our friend, mom, and wife. Yes, our lives go on without her, but there is no "moving on" from this.
Our lives were forever changed on June 23rd last year and while we are picking up the pieces, the pain continues to grow the longer we are without her. Whoever said time would heal is not entirely truthful. Yes, time heals some things. Time has taught us how to live with her, time has taught us where our socks are or who to call when you need help making one of her dishes. Time however has not healed us, time only gives us more opportunities for us to miss her or need her, and the more time that passes and the more time without her, the more you long for her.
Where will we be in 6 years? I don't know... I will have a 6 and 7 year old who will not know the beauty and kindness of my mom. I will have a dad, sister, aunts, uncles, and friends who have a piece of them missing. We will celebrate another birthday, another Christmas, another holiday, with sadness, knowing my mom should have been here. In the next 3 months, the next 6 years, and beyond, there will be many more hurdles.

Our family has been overwhelmed by the kindness and support that so many of you have offered and continue to offer. We are glad this over... But remember, its only a hurdle in a lifelong race.

Trial

Oh where do I begin??? After this week, I just do not have the mental energy to blog about it. The days have been long and difficult and we are not done. Last night at around 11, we were delivered a verdict that convicted Kaily of killing our mom. She was convicted of Manslaughter with a deadly weapon. The deadly weapon is an additional charge to the manslaughter. We are disappointed that the jury found "reasonable doubt" not to convict her of intoxication manslaughter, although, both convictions are on the same level. In MY OWN OPINION, from what I heard during closing arguments (because I was a witness, I was not allowed in the courtroom during the testimonies) I strongly believe, without a reasonable doubt that Kaily's drug use was a contributing factor in the accident that killed my mom. This was the first intoxication manslaughter case involving only drugs in Midland and I feel that Midland could have set the bar for future similar cases by finding her guilty of intoxication manslaughter. The jury must still decide on her punishment and will hopefully make a strong statement to Midland and this community that drug use will not be tolerated. I am however grateful that Kaily was convicted of manslaughter, or killing my precious mother. This is a felony and a strong conviction. However, we will wait until Monday to finish the sentencing phase and wait for the jury to decide on her punishment.

Our family is once again overwhelmed by the support and generosity of our friends during this difficult time. This week we learned details of my mom's accident that we didn't know and didn't want to know and we told about and saw pictures that were quite disturbing. This week brought out a lot of difficult emotions and feelings. I want to thank my sweet friends who have brought (or tried to bring) lunches and dinners, sent flowers, brought by cards or goodies, came to court to stand by us and support us, those who have texted and called all week, and those of you have expressed your thoughts and prayers for our family. It is truly during these tough times that we see how incredibly blessed we are to have you in our lives. You are all such blessings and amazing and supportive friends.

The final day (hopefully) of the trial will begin Monday morning at 9:o0 am.